Old School - Wednesday

Assistant manager T bounces through the door on the balls of his feet waving an offer sheet and announces gleefully. ‘Incoming!’
Negotiator S and I look up with welcoming smiles, retarded trainee F ducks momentarily before giving a cheesy grin of apology, and mortgage man M pauses mid-munch and begins waddling towards his next feed.

‘Multiple flipping bids,’ crows T gleefully, waving the paperwork triumphantly. ‘The recession is officially over!’
‘You couldn’t be further from the truth.’ Snipes B from her lettings desk sourly. B is pissed-off as opposed to pissed, as her latest fleeting boyfriend has dumped her unceremoniously, proving conclusively that one swallow doesn’t make a summer.

‘Ignore her,’ I tell T waving him across to the desk I’m perched at. ‘Let’s see the details.’ And T hurries over, face flushed with excitement and I have to physically stop myself from reminding him hastily issued offers are a long way from an exchange of contracts and some commission being banked.

I knew there’d be bids forthcoming anyway as I listed the cracking little house with a super south facing garden, and realistic, motivated vendors. T has three bids in the space of an afternoon of viewings, each one documented, each one doubtless with a different set of circumstances.

The trick with the luxury of more than one offer is to establish who is in the best position to perform, taking into account their chain status, their finances and their motivation. Sadly it isn’t always the punter with the highest bid though. And ever since the banks, insurance companies and building societies became involved with front-line estate agency the original duty to your principal – the owner selling – became a little blurred.

‘Who needs finance?’ Salivates M leaning in and shedding a dandruffy snowfall of sugar from his half-masticated doughnut across the desk. M’s piggy eyes are alight with expectation as he trawls through the information T has managed to collate. There still needs to be some more research and calls to other agents involved in the chains to verify status, but M has already decided whom he wants to buy.

‘These look the best bet,’ concludes M, podgy finger with a hint of jam on the tip, prodding at a couple that need a chunky but findable mortgage and doubtless some nice bolt-on insurance policies. I’ve scanned the data too, and I disagree with my traditional estate agents hat on. I can already feel the inherent conflict of interest a financial services office target imposes on me. The bean counter is never far from my thoughts – some of them carrying high-tariff prison sentences.

In law we have a duty of care to establish the position and finances of the three parties interested, in law we must also not discriminate against any buyer if they are unwilling to use our ancillary products. M with his broking service, tame local lawyers, or crummy group tie-ins with centralised conveyancing battery farms, even the removal firm that drop in a wine-box every Christmas, if we shovel some business their way.

‘I’ll speak to them all and see what’s in it for me,’ proclaims M before hastily correcting himself. ‘I mean us.’
‘Best buyer for the owner remember.’ I caution to deaf ears as M’s roly-poly gait migrates towards his office, his buttocks chafing moistly with excitement.

Two hours later there is a bidding war unfolding and a potential lose-lose situation. M has rather pleasingly, failed to coerce any of the punters to use his services and reluctantly confirmed their status and ability to me, like a petulant schoolgirl.

‘What should we do?’ Asks the owner when I tell him the embarrassment of riches we’ve contrived to present him with. In the background I can hear his wife prompting in a stage whisper. ‘I told you it was too cheap Martin.’

And before the situation spirals out of control I tell the owner how I’ll now endeavour to obtain best offers from all three parties and we can then make an informed decision on the basis not just of the numbers - but their ability to perform. It is a tricky balancing act and needs polished negotiating skills not to alienate everyone, but then that’s what the vendors are paying me for.

Suddenly I’m enjoying myself again.






P.S The link below has just been brought to my attention - stick with it, it's not what it seems....




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YM9Ereg2Zo